If you're reading this, chances are you're the lucky woman who's been chosen to be the maid-of-honour at a very special friend's wedding. This is a huge blessing and means that you are one of the closest people to the bride. Yes, she trusts you enough to help her plan her entire wedding!
But wait, what's that other feeling creeping in? Panic, anxiety? Yes, the fact of the matter is that of course this new title is a huge honour and blessing, but it also comes with a lot of responsibility. Not only do you love the bride and want her to have the best wedding possible, but you are undoubtedly going to put a lot of pressure on yourself to go above and beyond and be the best maid-of-honor of all time! But wait, slow down - there is a lot to get through and it's best to start from the beginning.
One of the first things you should know as a maid-of-honour are the official MOH duties:
- It is going to be your job to assist the bride with wedding planning. This means scouting wedding venues, tasting wedding cakes, oohing and aahing over different wedding dresses in various forms of puff, being the advisory on wedding invitations and flower colours (if the bride seeks your opinion on these things). Remember, you won't have to actually physically conduct these duties - you are the bride's right hand person and on call for whenever she needs help, advice or an opinion. You will support her and be the fresh set of eyes on things when she's looked at a million different shades of taupe for napkins. However, depending on your relationship with the bride and what is discussed, she may ask you to take on a more front-man role in some of these planning elements. Help the bride create a checklist for all that needs to be done and see where you can help.
- Managing and coordinating the bridesmaids. Now this is a tricky one. Your role as the MOH is to coordinate all the bridesmaids, their duties and so forth. The fun part here is that you can delegate! Delegation is key! Start by writing out a list of what needs to be done, such as dress fittings, errands for the bride, planning of the kitchen tea and the bachelorette. Make this list in the presence of the bridesmaids and have them agree to who will do what task. This is a great way to get buy-in and to have everyone commit on the spot to what they need to do. Your role as the MOH is basically that of a project manager whereby you will need to ensure that the bridesmaids do what they're supposed to. Warning: you are going to have to be the one who will smooth ruffled feathers if there are politics between the bridesmaids or a deadweight who doesn't want to do what she is supposed to. You also need to be the person who ensures that the bride is not overly exposed to any little dramas that may go on in the bridal party.
- Planning of the bachelorette party and kitchen tea will be your biggest task as a MOH. Remember that the kitchen tea is the tame version of the bachelorette. You will have to ensure that the party is planning from start to finish, that you invite all the old aunties and grannies to the kitchen tea. You will be involved in creating everything from the invitations to the registry of gifts and you will also need to ensure that there is food, drink and enough entertainment to keep everyone happy. This is another part of your duties where you can delegate - ask the bridesmaids to handle the eats, taking note of all the received gifts at the kitchen tea and you can maintain the upper level of 'management' over the whole affair. The bachelorette planning takes a similar tone with regards to planning and delegation. A tip: remember that a huge part of your role will be the budgeting of the kitchen tea and bachelorette. Get buy-in from the bridesmaids on what types of parties you can all afford and who will put in X amount of money and effort. One of the worst things that you could face as the MOH is being lumped with a big fat bill. Remember, these parties can become very expensive very quickly. Don't forget to make your lists. Lists, lists, lists. Lists will ensure that you don't leave anything out and that you are also not planning too big.
This is a good run-down of the types of duties you can expect as the maid-of-honour. Remember that your most crucial duties will also be on the wedding day itself. One of your singular most important functions will be to collect the wedding dress, to ease nerves on the wedding day itself (champagne always helps) and to coordinate the bridesmaids and the whole dress-up and make-up affair on the big day. But we will delve into MOH duties in another article.
Good luck, and enjoy the experience of being such a special and integral part of your friend's wedding! If you're lucky (or unlucky - whichever way you view it), it is a special experience that may only come around once in your lifetime.
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