Mention the word "modesty" and invisible shields go up everywhere. That, or hand motions to ankles, wrists and neck are quickly made. Modesty is considered old-fashioned, outmoded and downright disgusting by most in our culture.
The definition might surprise you. Modesty as defined by Webster is "a special characteristic in dress, speech or conduct, - not bold, or self-asserting, but instead cautious not to offend".
Quite different from what you pictured? This is not a definition that relates to just how you dress. Modesty extends to the words you use and the way you act. Visions of a woman covered from head-to-toe do not come to mind, but rather a woman who dresses, talks and acts with special characteristics being cautious not to offend. Yes, I just reworded the definition, but this truly is an important word and its definition equally important to understand and breakdown so that we really "get" it.
This word is actually fun because "a special characteristic" means that YOU get to create a distinguishing trait or quality that you imitate in how you dress, talk and act. However, if we go to last part of the definition, it also says that in order to be modest it also has to not be bold or self-asserting. "Cautious not to offend" is of utmost importance because without caution as the root, so to speak, you cannot produce modest fruit in how you dress, talk and act.
For the rest of this article I am going to focus on the "dressing" part of modesty, not speech and actions.
Does it sound impossible to blend the two parts of the definition when it comes to how you dress? It isn't easy because many of our clothing choices WILL offend men, and boys, who are trying not to look at women's boobies, bellies, behinds and butresses! (Sorry, I needed another "B" so made legs, butresses because they do hold us up.)
However, even though it isn't easy - it is definitely possible. it just takes some creativity and ingenuity on our part. We can be stylish, beautiful and modest!
Having worked with women and image for most of my adult life has made me think and re-think modesty as each new seasons trends are unveiled on runways. Some seasons it means to hunt for hems that are few inches longer. Other seasons it is purchasing camisoles in all kinds of colors to wear under my tops and dresses. Generally, it requires some attention to more than one part of our body that the seasons trends are exposing too much of. But this is the FUN part! I get to take what is stylish and trendy, and morph it into my own creation that is characterized by my love of different silhouettes, color, design and fabric.
Wait a second, you may be asking: "You said how I dress also had to not be self-asserting. How can it not be self-asserting if it has my unique "stamp" on it?" Self-asserting is the act of asserting one's superiority over others, not showing your unique, special characteristic to others. Do you see the difference? You are not trying to say you are somehow superior to others because of how you are dressing, but rather that you have made unique choices just like everyone else is capable of doing.
I think here is a good time to give another definition of modest. It also means to show grace to the observer. Showing grace is: "the characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement or a disposition that is generous and helpful". By dressing modestly we do BOTH. We dress in a pleasing way that is charming or refined based on our clothing and accessory choices - and, we are being generous and helpful to those who have to be around us while wearing these clothes.
When we choose to dress according to both definitions of modesty...
"a special characteristic in dress, speech or conduct, - not bold, or self-asserting, but instead cautious not to offend." and...
"the characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement or a disposition that is generous and helpful"...
we can rest assured we will not offend anyone. Not the men who are trying not to look - which, by the way, is something that is natural and God-instilled in them, other women don't want to see clear to our navels or see our thongs when we lean over either or the young male children that we are around each day.
What is modesty really? It is a way of dressing, talking and acting that allows every woman to be stylish, trendy and beautiful inside and out!
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