The Role of the Woman: A Biblical View

The Role of Women in the Church

Mary, a devoted Christian, wants to be involved in ministry at her church. Before she commits, she has a few questions about the role of women in the church. In light of the debate between egalitarianism and complementarianism, she and others like her need answers.

First, it is necessary to define the opposing positions. Egalitarianism is a belief in human equality especially with respect to social, political, and economic affairs. It asserts that there should be no gender-based role distinctions or limitations placed on women in the home, church, or society. [1] According to this view, women can serve as pastors in light of passages like Galatians 3:28 which says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus".

Complementarianism "is the theological view that although men and women are created equal in their being and personhood, they are created to complement each other via different roles and responsibilities as manifested in marriage, family life, religious leadership and elsewhere. It is rooted in more literal interpretations of the creation account and the roles of men and women presented in Scripture". [2] Bible passages like I Timothy 2:11-15 are used by many to support this view. It says, "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over the man, but to learn in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding, she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety".

Now, attention will be given to two more passages of Scripture. I Corinthians 14:34-35 says, "Let your women keep silence in the churches for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home for it is a shame for women to speak in the church". I Timothy 3:2 says, "A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach". In light of these two passages, it is understandable that complementarians believe themselves to be correct in their position. These passages clearly distinguish gender and seem to impose restrictions based on such.

To properly interpret these passages, careful exegesis must be done in order to understand what the Bible writers really meant. It is unsafe and unwise to isolate a passage of Scripture concerning any given subject. All passages related to the subject must be thoroughly studied to avoid taking any passage out of its originally intended context. It is important that readers refrain from assigning their own cultural biases. It is equally important that readers recognize how, in some cases, their own lack of education can hinder their ability to accurately interpret Scripture. A certain foundation of knowledge upon which to build understanding is essential.

For example, one must know the meaning of words in order to understand the thoughts expressed by those words. Similarly, one cannot follow the instruction to walk two blocks and turn left if he does not know how many blocks equal two or the difference between left and right. Reading comprehension skills and the illumination of the Holy Spirit are imperative.

In three of the aforementioned passages of Scripture, there appears to be a gender-based restriction placed on women in the church. However, Paul wrote these passages during a time of great Hellenistic influence. Many of the surrounding pagan religions featured priestesses who made loud, seemingly meaningless utterances. The church wanted to distinguish itself from such. Christian leaders worked to show an affinity to Greek social and philosophical life due to the constant threat of persecution and scandal, but at the same time similarities to fertility cults and Gnostic groups was downplayed. [3]

This accounts for Paul's apparent contradiction to Galatians 3:28, Romans 16:1,7 which support egalitarianism. Acts 10:34 says, "God is no respecter of persons". The Bible is inspired and inerrant and, therefore, cannot contradict itself.

"The contradictory nature of Paul's statements is explored and distinction made between those that are universally normative and those that are culturally relative. Just as certain statements regarding slavery are no longer applicable today so certain statement regarding women better served another age". [4]

God has and will always use women as He sees fit to advance the gospel and unite the Body of Christ. The giftedness of women in ministry and their fruitful effectiveness even as elders and deacons testify of His blessing. The whole of Scripture clearly reveals God's egalitarian attitude toward women.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

[1] Prince, Matthew and Zatlyn, Michelle, http://www.theopedia.com/complementarianism, CloudFare, Inc. (accessed December 2, 2013)

[2] Ibid.

[3] Elwell, Walter A., Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, Second Ed., Ordination of Women, (Article) p. 1286, Grand Rapids, MI Baker Book House Company 1984, 2001

[4] Elwell, Walter A., Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, Second Ed., Women in the Church, (Article) p. 1291, Grand Rapids, MI Baker Book House Company 1984, 2001

Find Out Causes and Stop Hair Loss In Women

We often tend to associate hair loss and baldness to men, but women are not spared of this either. There seems to be an increasing trend of women losing their hair and getting bald. As of to date, there are believed to be more than 20 million women in US alone that are suffering from this disorder. This can be very distressing to many women as they have always deemed their hair as their crowning glory.

In men, the main cause of hair loss is due to the conversion of the male hormone testosterone to its derivative i.e. dihydrotestosterone by the dihydrotestrone enzymes or DHT in short. However in women, the reasons are somehow different from that in men.

Here's a list of the possible causes of alopecia in women:

1. Genetic

As in men, women can loss their hair due to genetic causes. This is similar to that of men and it's called androgenic alopecia. It happens to about 50% of all women and it normally occurs between the age of 50-60 yrs old. Women suffering from this genetic disorder tend to have hair follicles shrinking up to a point where they cease to grow hair anymore.

2. Hormonal changes within the body.

Hair loss in women during menopause and perimenopause is very common as their estrogen levels are dropping during this phase of their life cycle. The imbalance in the levels of both estrogen and testosterone results in thinning hair on certain areas of the head that are sensitive to androgens. This is known as female pattern hair loss.

3. Iron Deficiency

Women losses blood monthly through their menstruation cycle and unless they eat sufficient iron-rich food to replace those that were lost, they tend to suffer from iron deficient anemia and this may lead to unwanted hair loss.

4. Excessive use of chemical hair products and styling

Women tend to fuss over their hair, and many would dye their hair often or do all sorts of styling to look good. Little do they know that these may weaken hair and causes them to break or fall out easily.

5. Stress

Hair loss may be an indication of the level of stress that is taking a toll on your body. Elevated stress hormones can cause hair to enter into a stage of dormancy and stop growing for months before dropping off completely.

6. Polycystic Ovary syndrome

Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) occurs commonly in women, and it can affect as many as 1 out of 15 women. The hormonal changes that come with this disorder often lead to a series of health problems including excessive hair loss

7. Use of Medication

Many drugs used to treat an underlying illness may also causes some side effects and alopecia may be one of them.

8. Childbirth

Hair loss usually follows after childbirth because of the drop in estrogen hormones. However, this is often a reversible change whereby hair will start to grow back before the child's first birthday.

Lotions for Sensitive Skin

Sensitive skin needs special care and attention as it can easily have a bad reaction to harsh skin products. It also reacts adversely to certain skin procedures and exposure to harsh weather conditions such as extreme wind and cold as well as exposure to strong sun rays.

It's better to go for natural skincare products as they will be gentle skin; some good ingredients to look out for include chamomile and aloe vera among others.

Any lotions should be tested first on a small part of the skin before being used on the whole body. This is to first make sure that the skin will not react adversely before using it on the whole body.

Any lotion should ideally be light and non greasy as well as hypoallergenic and made using the best gentle ingredients preferably natural ones. When it comes to cleaners some harmful ingredients to look out for in any cleansing lotion that are capable of irritating skin include, ammonium lauryl sulfate which is a harsh cleaning agent that can be very drying and irritating.

When it comes to the dyes and artificial colorants to avoid, look out for any among the listed ingredients on the packaging that have the words FD&C. As sensitive skin gets easily irritated by harsh skin care regimens avoid using abrasive exfoliating skin face lotions on sensitive skin. Also avoid rough exfoliates such as those with rough ingredients such as apricot kernels.

Alpha lipoic acids may be considered great additions in certain products especially in anti aging skin care products but it should be avoided as it can easily burn and irritate sensitive skin.

It is also advisable that lotions on the face are gentle and moisturizing. On the other hand they can't be too heavy and should be easily absorbed into the skin. In the same vein consider using cleansers that avoid drying the skin rather than using cleansers that are harsh and strip the skin off moisture.

When selecting a sun protection lotion for sensitive skin, its best to go for one with an SPF 15 and above. Choose one that is gel based since it is absorbed faster by the skin. Don't think that you can get away with applying this lotion once a day especially when you go out for swimming or spend a long time in the sun. Make sure that in this case you reapply the sun screen after every two hours to sufficiently protect your skin.

Make sure that you keep the amount of products that you use on sensitive skin at a minimum. This means investing in products that can serve more than one purpose. A good example is combined cleansing and toning lotions for the face as well as moisturizing lotions for sensitive skin that are combined with sun screen.

It's also good to choose one reputable skin care company from which you can get all you skin care products from. This is because they are less likely to clash and end up irritating your skin. If possible get a whole range of products specifically made for sensitive skin as they are manufactured in such a way that the ingredients work harmoniously and effectively together for great results.

It may surprise you that people with sensitive skin can also react from eating certain kind of food such as hot and spicy foods as well as extremely hot foods and beverages. The reason for this is that they can cause extreme flashing of the skin leading to skin irritation. Although it may seem complicated all it takes is a clear understanding of the type of skin that you have and getting the right products and it will be easy to handle sensitive skin.

The Strong Black Woman - Myth or Fact?

I am of the opinion that the strength of a Black woman is both a fact and a myth, in equal measures. Women of any colour are inherently strong but it is the information gained from this perception about Black Women that can escalate the myth aspect of this subject. For Black women, the myth denigrates culpability for men to treat Black women respectfully. The 'Strong Black Woman' is abused as a result of this myth on the grounds that she is able to withstand any challenges coming her way independently and with little impact to her emotionally and physically. She is collectively left to raise children single-handedly, hold down employment and still be a tool to abuse sexually.

The Black Woman is deemed a misnomer and is portrayed as inconsequential to her existence. Whilst there is arguably a love for Black Women for some men, I am discussing the collective views from all men and all women of any colour.

Black Women intrigues other women of differing race and are held in both mysticism and fear. This fear leads others to respond to the Black Woman negatively developing further challenges for them. Some of these challenges are highlighted above. The 'alone' factor is rife for the Black Woman who has to navigate through life sometimes as both matriarch and patriarch even is she is in a relationship. She is seen without needs of her own and demonstrably maligned in favour of soothing others even if this is in detriment to her wellbeing.

The Black woman paradoxically and altruistically responds by instigating her own war against herself. 'I'm an independent woman and I am in no need for a man' is a common mantra all the while secretly hankering for the love and comfort of a mate. Her soul is revealed to her Black female comrades who in some way share commonalities in their plight for individualism and respect. She can appear secretive, as she fears revealing her soul as her experiences inform her that she is vulnerable to further abuse.

Some Black men are foolishly scared of the strength of a Black woman and wages a surreptitious war against her promoting subservience and oppression towards her. This is not always done intentionally to harm her but their experience is matriarchal and top heavy in its presence and not necessarily due to an absent father but more about how the family performed in every day life. Older Black men were psychologically seen as Heads of families but in realities, it was the females that held families together. My experience of life has taught me that this sentiment is shared with many other races therefore not exclusive to Black families.

The Black Woman learns to grow into a role put forward by others and as mentioned previously, her own needs are ignored. This behaviour is seen as abusive and the only way to remove this level of abuse towards her for the Black woman is to step away, independently, promoting the 'strong' aspect of the title question or stay in a relationship, whilst compromising her sanity.

There are many Black women who gravitate toward uplifting themselves and behave stereotypically enforcing this 'strong' aspect of the statement. They do this by not appearing of need and if they do show this need, it is sometimes misconstrued as 'being needy' because of the 'strong' aspect of the statement that runs deeper and more profound obscuring what the woman is actually presenting with behaviourally. Black women need to learn of the impact of mis-applying this statement to them. This misapplication happens when one assumes the role of 'strong' without first identifying its true meaning. Some may argue that this is how they choose to live their lives and this is absolutely fine but they also need to understand the ramifications of this ideology of being 'strong.' What does the response of others look and feels like whilst Black Women are portraying strength beyond and above all? I am not, for one minute, making an argument for subservience but laying out one of the causal factors of disruption that a Black on Black relationship may encounter. Even men of other colour notes the curiously perceived 'animalism' of a Black woman and wants to play with her in order to tame her. The mystical and 'wild' nature of a Black Woman!

Black men are social 'lepers' and experience a tougher than acceptable life especially in the West. Their frustrations can be transferred to their female counterparts as they see her 'getting through' in life as strength, another aspect of how war is waged against her.

What has led the Black Woman to be seen as 'strong'?

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes argues that many generations later, individuals continue to live according to the emotional scars inflicted upon their fore-families although now free from the abhorrent and direct abuse of mind/body.

In times when Black Men were removed from their families after being beaten and persecuted for submission and control, the Black Women had to fight for existence. She had to fiercely protect her children without her husband. She had to learn to do this fight at a time when her spirit was being broken and exposed for further abuse. Attacking the thing or things that one holds dear completes destruction. For doing so, attacks the spiritedness of the individual from the inside, rendering them without anchor.

Dr. Pinkola Estes argues that the removal of sacred images that anchors a person was to 'Un-Mother' that person. Black people were reliant upon their sacred images to guide them through life, not unlike other races. Parts of the psyche (soul/spirit) becomes damaged and retreats underground (subconscious) whilst the obvious afflictions are felt and seen on a conscious level. According to Pinkola, to destabilise a person's spirit is to 'Un-Mother' them.

People that are grounded in a Mother can present as dangerous due to exhibiting autonomous traits, not so easily manageable, loyal to their beliefs. The removal of these beliefs and replacement of another version helps to destabilise the spirit of people therefore easier to be manipulated.

Individuals that were spiritually removed from their beliefs therefore grounding learnt to fear the attackers whilst paradoxically feeling grateful for their existence. Internalising the damage that 'un-mothering' a person has on an individual. For example, within the workplace, your employer could be extremely abusive or just plain unfair but the inherent message meted out by your company and society is one of being grateful for your employment. You fear of speaking out as to do so is met with backlash; the result is the submission of one's soul. Therefore this method of control continues today and it is the deep-rooted residue of fear caused by the removal of the 'Mother' that continue this emotional self-destruction. In this instance for the Black Woman but you can see evidence of this throughout society not initially done for the same reason but the continued use is handy.

So how does the above relate to the Strong Black Woman?

The removal of the sub-conscious Mother and the replacement of something incomprehensible have helped to create the Black Woman today. Her grounding, her beliefs, her identity have been removed and she continues to fight for existence now as a result of her previous struggle. This worsening effect is apparent even if misunderstood by many including the Black Woman herself. The misinformed information derived about the Black Woman coupled with history has led to her being seen as 'strong' (fact) and without need, the 'myth' aspect. However, 'One can heal by literally making a list of all freedoms denied and then working backwards'... (Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes).

It is difficult to speak about women of any colour without identifying to some degree, the impact of feminisms. The word is pluralised deliberately as not only were there first, second and now third wave feminisms, the relationship and resonance felt by Black Women somewhat removes feminisms' full implication from them. Therefore the common terminology of feminism does not fully include the Black Woman. Both my grandmothers were hard, consistent workers, in predominantly 'female' roles. These roles did not even attract a moderate salary; just enough to help their husbands pay towards the household bills. What was interesting was how their changing thoughts changed their beliefs (environmental) when they came to live in the UK. In their own hometown, women married, had children and mainly stayed working in the home, not unlike westernised general rule. Very few women had substantive posts in the community. Due to the many difficulties experienced by individuals in England, America or Canada where a lot of migration took people to, their beliefs needed to radically change to survive. This change meant for some families, older children were raising younger children whilst both parents worked. In most cases, it was the female offspring that assumed a matriarchal role in the absence of the mother. The creation of a sub-culture for these families borne mainly from financial difficulties, allowed Black Women to be more prominent but not equal to their men. My generation of women has pushed this concept further and expects a more equal participant as partners. Something that is akin to White western women yet not easily recognised nor taken on by men.

More recognition is needed in society for the promotion for all women and not just Black Women but the problems that Black Women face are different to their counterparts. I do feel that the huge radicalisation needed for women's lives cannot be measured today from where it was once borne but we should be able to continue building upon the wellbeing for women and by doing so, all of society benefits. Harm the woman; harm the child!

So yes, Black women are strong but it is also a myth that she is able to withstand anything thrown at her. Just take a look around you and many Black women are former shadows of thy self. Even the perceptually well-adapted ones experiences emotional discord due to the 'myth' aspect therefore how she is then treated. Black Women contributes to half of society in gender terms but their experiences of negativity is out of balance. The 'myth' aspect is out of control and depletes the Black Women of her natural resources to live in harmony with her and others.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Untie The Strong Woman; p.86- 90)

Dress Up to Impress

Here's a method chart and reference guide so that you can project your visual communication, at least from a clothing perspective, really does project the right image for you.

A person's style includes many distinct parts. Decisions concerning style ought to be determined by environment, the necessity to meet bound and expectations to gain your desired result. It's an ordinarily command belief that individuals can get ahead if they standout in terms of style, but analysis doesn't support this. In fact, we have a tendency to typically become suspicious of these who are too uncommon or completely different from our expectations. Bearing this in mind, the following ought to be taken into consideration when trying to form the right impression...

CLOTHING AND ACCESSORIES
Believe it or not, studies have found that most hiring decisions are for the most part based mostly upon employment applicant's appearance, despite interviewers denying that someone's appearance is important. Entry-level salaries are higher for those that make a higher physical impression, and those who dress higher at work are a lot of seemingly to induce promoted. The importance of being fittingly dressed is apparent. Both men and girls when going for interviews ought to dress in garments slightly smarter than what they would commonly wear to figure. Geographical point TIPS for ladies.

WOMEN'S SUITS, TROUSERS, AND DRESSES
Women who wear refined feminine-cut suits or skirts and matching jackets with simple white, off-white or pale-colored blouses don't seem to be only seen as robust and assured, but additionally as trustworthy, likable and humble, but detain mind that this may not work for all careers.

In more high-fashion professions, the suit ought to be a lot of fashionable, with a lot of communicative accessories with your goal being a "ladylike" but skilled look. Suits ought to be soft, ladylike and strike a balance between unpretentious and conservative, feminine and trendy. Colors can range from navy, grey, and blue to cream and mahogany. The planning ought to be rich but businesslike.

A masculine-cut suit reflects a lot of power and authority, but is understood as a lot of aggressive and bossy and less inventive. A feminine-cut suit can show a lot of quality and a heightened level of friendliness, expertise and confidence. Slacks and a jacket or a dress and a jacket are even a lot of approachable, but less skilled. A pant-suit is less skilled and will not enhance your image of friendliness. A dress without a jacket is the least skilled different.

WOMEN'S SHIRTS AND BLOUSES
Silk blouses in white, off-white, light blue, beige or alternative pale colors are a lot of skilled. Blouses with lapels project a lot of authority and competency, while those without are a lot of feminine and project a friendlier image. Blouses mustn't be sleeveless if they're meant to be a part of a professional outfit. You must additionally take into consideration a blunder or camisole if a bandeau or strap is showing. For skilled occasions, the neckline ought to never be low enough to be the slightest bit revealing.

WOMEN'S SHOES
Trendy designs have the same negative associations and stereotypes as alternative parts of your wardrobe. A lot of practical shoes enhance image as long as they're not too flashy. Less practical but a lot of fashionable shoes send a message that you simply are a lot of concerned with appearance than performance. If ladies wear heels taller than 2 inches they accentuate their sex. Boots mustn't be worn with dress apparel unless they're terribly often worn by others in your skilled environment. Shoes that are simple and stylish are best. Closed toe pumps with one and a 0.5 inch heels prime the list. Shorter ladies can wear 2 inches heels but they ought to not be spiked heels. Stay with basic colors and don't try and match your shoes to bright colored clothing. Always keep your shoes clean and polished for a professional look. If the soles or heels are worn or broken, then replace or repair them.

WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES
For women, belts are available many colors and designs. They ought to not be gaudy, dangle or resound. If a lady is sporting dress trousers then she ought to wear an easy, skinny belt with associate unobtrusive buckle. Accessories, like belts and shoes, ought to be plain, no furbelow leather.

For purses, leather is perceived as a lot of skilled than cloth, especially in black or brown. A colorful purse that matches the color of associate outfit is a lot of for casual occasions. A woman's tights ought to be flesh tone, black or navy. White or alternative colors distract from skilled image.

For eyewear, a lady mustn't get too stylish, unless an image of quality is a lot of vital than an image of intelligence and expertise. Ladies are rated a lot of skilled when they wear less jewelry. Keep it simple and keep one's eyes off from the massive or gaudy.

WOMEN'S WORK
Women's dress trousers ought to cover their ankles utterly and for the foremost skilled and conservative look ought to touch the highest of their shoes. In contrast to public toilet trousers, women's ought to have little or no "break" and the hem ought to be horizontal to the floor.

Skirt length is usually an issue for ladies. For a professional look, stay mainstream. Whether or not you wear your dress skirts a couple of inches on top of or a couple of inches below your knee is largely a matter of non-public preference and a call that ought to be supported what looks best on you and what you're feeling most snug with.

Phonies or Friends

You walk into the office staff lounge and suddenly there is a slight whisper! You start re-playing last night's dialogue - as you had drinks and gossip hour with one of the women in the staff lounge and she isn't speaking to you yet. Then it hits you - why do you engage in such self-destructive behaviour? Have you not learned your lesson a thousand times?

You vow never to do it again yet can't help yourself from standing by in hopes that you will get the gist of their silent conversation. But you don't and you know you never will so you move on.

I want to bring your attention to an often overlooked problem and that is understanding phony friends and followers. Phony friends are everywhere not just on Facebook or Instagram. You know, those women who act like they care and get the latest and greatest juice on a fellow female and then they're off - sharing the details and comments exchanged and hopefully not twisting them all around to hide their own input to your conversation. You grow more anxious and wonder why you continue to get caught up in these types of moments because they definitely do not serve you and kind of go against your morals and values!

What happens next is you read comments online and then your mind races because you aren't sure if they are secretly directed at you. It may be you, who has become a phony follower; only reading threads and posts to discover what your competition is up to or actively attending lunches out or wine night in to learn what the buzz is. This behaviour seems compulsive at times. As in, you just have to know! Well guess what? You don't! So stop this drama ladies! You need to accept that women are often wrapped up in this type of drama solely on a societal level. There are so many women out there that have broken free of this behaviour or even better; those who have not indulged in this destruction. When women respect, encourage and genuinely care for other women the energy shifts, the world becomes healthier and magical things start to happen.

Start exploring your mindset regarding female relationships. Have we been brainwashed into thinking that fellow females are the enemy. Go through your friends list on Facebook - how many women listed are actual genuine friends versus phony followers? I am sure you have kind and caring female friends; monitor the other relationships and I guarantee that the thoughts have crossed your mind ("what is she up to now, who does she think she is, oh, she always acts happy but isn't, her life is a mess, she lives on salad", etc.) A phony follower encompasses all attributes of toxic, dangerous and manipulative behaviour. The phony follower hangs out in your circle randomly on a 'Girls Night' out or pops up on Facebook threads or perhaps attends luncheons with you yet you really don't know too much about them.

The danger here is that too many women want to be recognized as popular or the go-to girl and that carries some seriously heavy baggage. Stop allowing these phonies in your circle. Create boundaries. Share uplifting news and be excited for a fellow female when she gets promoted, or buys a new house, or builds a healthy relationship with the love of her life. It is okay to be different and it is time to establish healthy, honest friendships with other amazing women.

Dismiss the phonies in your life and wish them well. Surround yourself with upbeat and enthusiastic women and work towards empowering women as a collective force. Imagine the possibilities involved in women loving other women. No more drama. No more judgment! No more wasted energy worrying about what you may have said. Spread the love. Spread the sunshine and build one another up! It is time to say no to the media and societal pressures to compete against our fellow females and time to embrace our differences and want the best for one another. Period.

Three Lessons to Be Learnt From Aletta Jacobs - A Pioneer of Access to Birth Control

With celebrations of suffragettes all the rage, much focus is currently on attempts to gain the vote for women. This was, of course, only a small part of the battle even for 1st wave feminists. Issues of the right of women to control or own their bodies - whether the specific concern be birth control, family planning, abortion or sex workers - has been on the agenda for over 100 years - and probably in various places throughout history for millennia.

Achieving equality, where it has been achieved at all, has been a struggle for particular individuals, for groups of women and eventually movements. Unfortunately, women's rights is a matter of one step forward, two steps back. So we can never assume that whatever gains have been made will be retained. So looking to history, and the lives of particular women, is one way of fortifying ourselves for the battles we need to be part of.

Aletta Jacobs, the first female doctor in Holland, was an activist in the peace movement as well as in the woman's movement and in her daily life. Her death on August 10, 1929 provides an excuse to write about her. She pioneered health reform and access to birth control. But even before this point Aletta had won a victory. It took the personal support of the Prime Minister for her to gain access to sex-segregated higher education.

After attaining her degree, Jacobs immediately set up free clinics for the working-class, which she ran 2 mornings a week. In 1882, she went a step further and founding the first birth control clinic in the world. Her focus on prostitutes made her a double target, just as her insistence that the working conditions of salesgirls required reform angered entrenched capitalism. She clearly was only interested in perpetuating immorality.

In l903 Aletta Jacobs left her medical practice in order to focus on the broader issues for women. She worked with international organizations for women's suffrage, undertook a world tour (taking in South Africa, the Middle East, India, Ceylon, the Dutch East Indies, Burma, the Philippines, China and Japan) with ex-IWSA president Carrie Chapman Catt studying the conditions of women and reporting to the Dutch paper De Telegraaf. Suffrage for Dutch women was achieved in 1919.

Jacobs energies did not just focus on women. In 1914, with the outbreak of WWI, she used her international women's network to fight for peace and she even travelled to the USA in an attempt to persuade President Woodrow Wilson to mediate the conflict. She remained an activist until her death in 1929.

So what can we learn from this.

1. Education matters. There is currently an international movement, rallying around 16 year old Afghani, Malala Yousafzai, to provide access to education for all the world's children. Malala is a survivor of terrorist action which aimed at silencing her insistence that women and girls, as well as boys and men, have a right to education.

A second side to this is that formal education provides the tools, one would hope, for critical analysis. If you have never thought of birth control as a matter of a woman's control over her own body, it is time to rethink the matter. In the West we consider autonomy to be an essential right - in fact a precursor of rights. But autonomy assumes that our bodies are our own. If we want to be reckless, we can. If we want to exercise we can. If we want to carry a child, we can. If we do not want to carry a child, we have the right to that decision too. But without access to birth control and abortion, to say we have a right is meaningless.

2. A commitment to social justice matters. Not just seeing the conditions of others, but being prepared to work to alleviate these conditions. I guess this requires bravery - at least the courage to act on one's convictions. I'm a coward, but activism isn't only about large battles or standing in the front line. While signing a petition may seem a small thing to do, for example, every name counts.

One other aspect of this is the inter-relatedness of rights. Aletta demonstrated that compassion has many faces and that caring about women leads to caring about men and the whole of humanity and the world we inhabit.

3. Networking is key. We can't do anything on our own. Women are said to be good at networking and maintaining relationships. Aletta Jacobs did not achieve what she did on her own. From the outset she worked with others. This does two things. It makes us realise that we are not alone - that there are others who value social justice and human rights. Secondly, numbers bring power. Sharing the burden and multiplying the effect.

My aim is not to be preachy, but to suggest that we don't create a pantheon of great women, unlike us in every way. Rather, that we take small steps to demand equality for overselves and for our daughters, but that we also see that we can have guidance in this from those who have come before us.

If you are a Harry Potter fan, you will know that Mad-Eye Moody had advice that is relevant here. He tells the young heroes that they need to be "forever vigilant". Unfortunately there is wisdom, not paranoia here. It is not just that in every generation we have to fight the same battles anew. It is that we always have to watch out for impositions on our equality, because whenever we think there are gains there is slippage.

My Stay-At-Home Wife Has It Harder Than I Do

A strong marriage is contingent on sharing the workload--not just in the house but everywhere. This past summer I worked as an intern at Google and had a long commute. I left at the crack of dawn most mornings and returned home around 7pm.

My wife, Rachel, on the other hand, is a stay-at-home mom. She took care of our 18-month-old each day. I think much of the "Lean In" thinking today would suggest Rachel perhaps had opted out of the workplace too young and taken an easier route. Those people have never stayed home with a toddler all day.. everyday.

Last month, I gave Rachel a weekend completely off parenting duties by going out of town with Jude. In those days, unsupported by any other caregiver, my son nearly broke me. He's a fantastic kid, but he does get cranky, have trouble sleeping and can be as willful as any other 18-month-old. I was exhausted, and the experience gave me a newfound respect for all stay-at-home moms, and especially single parents (I don't know how you do it!).

My point is that this summer when I was working, Rachel had it WAY, WAY harder than me. Too many working dads (and working moms, for that matter) don't fully appreciate the sheer exhaustion of watching a cranky child (let alone multiple children) day in and day out.

Conventional wisdom suggests my wife should be grateful to me for slaving long days at the office and permitting her to relax at home. We've largely internalized the 1950s portrait of a husband coming home to be greeted by his adoring wife and a roasted chicken dinner as something ideal and fair--if not something we routinely practice.

When I come home, I strive to give my wife the chance to put her feet up. Cleaning up diapers, preparing meals, cleaning and responding to the beck and call of our son is a full-time job with no coffee breaks or pauses to read the news or check email.

A large amount of hostility also comes from moms working outside the home. Being a parent is challenging enough without us disparaging each other. When husbands and our society in general better value the work stay-at-home-moms do, we are all better off. That respect helps improve relationships, makes the parenting work feel a little easier, facilitates more equitable household divisions of labor, and accords the proper level of appreciation to motherhood.

Getting the Most Out of Your Costume Jewelry

As a rule, you will want your costume jewelry to accent or complete your wardrobe and it is best to know how to keep your things looking their best or to clean them of any foreign particles or dirt that detracts from their appearance. It is always a good idea to err on the side of caution and to avoid any actions that could potentially damage your piece. That being said, the most critical issue is to avoid loosening the adhesive which holds the gemstones in place. I provide some general guidelines in this article that, if followed, should keep your costume jewelry looking its best for the longest possible time.

In all cases be certain that the area in which you are working is well-lit to concentrate your cleaning efforts and make them most effective.

The first cleaning technique is by far the most gentle and should always be tried first before resorting to any more aggressive tactic. It involves using a source of compressed air to simply blow off any dirt or foreign material. By using dry air you can avoid loosening the adhesive of the piece and protect it from unwanted damage. Use a magnifying glass to inspect the piece and a wooden toothpick to carefully remove any loose dirt. Stay away from pick materials that can easily scratch the surface and beware of getting overly zealous in your attempts to remove unwanted particles.

It may be necessary to step up your cleaning efforts, so as a first step mix one part of a mild soap with three parts of warm water. Do not immerse the piece into the solution to soak, but rather dip a cotton swab into it and remove the excess. Then, using a magnifying glass to see better, gingerly apply a minimal amount of the solution to the dirty area using a swirling motion. Allow it to sit for a while and then rinse it under lukewarm water. Try to be as quick as possible to avoid loosening the adhesive and be advised that copper or mixed metals may react with the water so it is a good idea to limit their contact time. You may want to repeat these steps several times to remove more stubborn dirt. Finally, dry the piece thoroughly with a soft cloth followed by blowing cool air over it using a hairdryer.

As a last resort, it may be necessary to turn to a stronger solvent, but do so with caution and avoid using anything that contains acetone, alcohol, vinegar, or acids as these solvents will attack the adhesive joints. I would suggest Using, instead, a non-acetone nail polish remover or a gentle jewelry cleaner that is designed specifically for costume jewelry. An item worth mentioning, however, is that many cleansers, regardless of their supposed safety, can leave behind residues that detract from the appeal of the piece so use them at your own peril. Dip a soft-bristled brush into the solution, remove the excess, and carefully apply it to the dirty area with a gentle swirling motion. As quickly as you can to avoid any damage rinse the piece in lukewarm water and blot dry with a soft cloth. Follow this by complete drying with a hair dryer set to cool to avoid any damage caused by excessive heat. Polish the piece to restore its luster and shine.

Prevention of dirt is much more effective than removal so as a rule, put your jewelry on last and take it off first. Store each piece in its own compartment or bag to prevent scratching and Wear it with pride.

Take care of it and your jewelry should give you many years of pleasure.

Foundation Basics: Get Fitted for Bras

Eight out of ten women are wearing the wrong size bra. Are you one of them? Most wear a bra wrong for their body type or wrong for their garment. To be a wise bra consumer, every woman must be fitted for a bra by a professional.

Bra shops and department stores offer complimentary professional measuring by certified bra fitting consultants. The number of the bra size refers to the circumference of your torso and called the Band. The alphabet of the bra size is the dimensional size of your breast, known as the Cup. Professionals will measure you and suggest brands for your size, style, and price range. You must know this basic fit information to smart shop for bras from whatever end of the price spectrum you ultimately buy.

Most retail store brands don't carry cup sizes beyond "D" (the Wacoal line being one exception). Don't be turned off if you find your perfect cup size is a "G" or "H" when you've been used to a "C" or "D". The professional fitter is a wise and helpful reference who will fit you accurately and arm you with information. You'll then be able to "know great fit" even when you're shopping at the bra bargain table.

Fit and Fashion

So, you've had your fitting, now what? Now it becomes a matter of making educated choices. There are many, many styles and types of bras - full-figure, sports bras, demi- cups, strapless, halter bras, minimize, microfiber, underwire, prosthetic bras to name a few. Add in some ribbon and some lace and there's something for every body and every need. Getting properly fitted enables you to purchase products that fit your body type, size, budget, and lifestyle.

Keep in mind that a bra is like the foundation of a building. It should be capable of holding everything up and securely in place. The band should fit snuggly and not have more than 2 inches of give in back. The bra should be comfortable and generally invisible. Because the bra is a "foundation", it's wise to invest in the best possible product affordable for you. Check out the helpful video How to Measure Your Bra Size for some common bra fitting problems and solutions.

Solid Bra Brands

Just as there are many bra styles and fabrications, there are hundreds of brands. Wacoal is famous for dependable construction, fit, and comfort. There are sizes and styles for every body type from 32A to 56M. Bali and Vanity Fair also have great products for the well-endowed woman. Other solid lines are Calvin Klein and Lilyette. Maidenform, Wonder Bra, and Victoria's Secret are good choices for more youthful and smaller-chested females. Expect to pay upwards of $75 or more for some of the better department store brands.

To be in-the-know about the best products, sales and promotions, get on the contact list of the fitting consultants in your favorite store. There are great deals out there. Now that you are armed with the right bra information, get fitted, get shopping and start saving. Be sure to get your daughters measured by a professional too.

6 Ways On How To Remove Cellulite

Are you looking for a way on how to remove cellulite? Many women start to suffer from problems with cellulite the older they get. Cellulite is caused by weakening collagen fibers in the muscle, and this allows the buildup of lymphatic fluid, water and fat to accumulate in the gaps. The areas that are usually effected the most are the bottom and thighs, but it can also occur on the upper arms, stomach area, calves and ankles. One factor that may drive its production are the female sex hormones, which is why you will rarely find men with the problem. Learning how to remove cellulite is actually difficult, in most cases it can mean a lifestyle change. Those scary words, diet and exercise are usually banded about when it comes to ways on how to remove cellulite, but there are other ways, although some are quite drastic. One thing that cellulite isn't is dangerous, it is just fatty tissue pushing against the skin, but for those who are looking for way to treat it, then read on.

Diet

Although poor diet can result in cellulite, it doesn't actually have anything to do with being overweight, as it can happen to anyone, regardless of their weight. You need to eat a more balanced diet with all the correct vitamins, and minerals in it, but other than cutting down on fats and sugars, that is all you can do.

Exercise

You do not have to go down to the gym and workout until you drop, the only exercise you need to strengthen up your thighs and bum muscles is to walk. So take the dog out, push the baby in a pram, or go for a romantic walk with your partner. It doesn't matter what way you do it, just walk at a faster than normal pace than normal for 15 to 30 minutes each day. This also gives you a good cardio workout, which has other health benefits for you.

Creams

There are a number of creams available for cellulite, but whether they work or not is still open to debate, as some of them contain an active ingredient for asthma. Check the ingredients and online reviews before buying it.

Liposuction

This comes under the category of drastic treatment, as it is a surgical procedure done while you are asleep. It can be painful, and you may suffer bruising in the area that is worked on. There are reports that it can actually make the treated area look worse once it settles down.

Laser

This is a relatively new treatment, and it uses a powerful laser that heats up the fat under the skin, breaking it down so that the body can absorb it easier. This looks to be both effective and safe.

Massage

This is one of the oldest and most natural treatments and it does work, however it does not last that long and so regular massages are required to keep it under control.

Does Style Matter After 60? You Bet It Does!

Browsing through an average fashion magazine, you could be forgiven for thinking that the world is filled only with 18 year-old man and women with perfect bodies and faces crafted from stone. Much has been written in recent years about the unfair expectations that fashion magazines set for men and women alike. What has been less covered is the inherent ageism that is also present in the selection of models and topics to be covered in such publications.

Why Fashion Matters After 60

Clothes are so much more than protection from the elements. They are core to our identities as human beings and the way that we present ourselves to the world has a deep impact on our own psychology. Many people realize that their choice in clothes impacts how the world sees them. Fewer people realize the impact of their fashion on their own self-perception.

As we get older, we are bombarded by images and stereotypes related to the aging process. One of the stereotypes that we face is that people over 60 don't care about looking good. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Six Tips for Taking Control of Your Image After 60

The good news is that we don't have to be a victim to society's expectations of us. The first step is to accept our right as individuals to look and feel great and to choose a style that reflects our own unique personalities. We do not have to be invisible. Here are six quick things that you can do to take control of your image:

1. Wear what you feel comfortable in - Your body language and posture are two of the first things that people notice. Chose clothes that make you feel great so that you can hold your head up high and face the world with a smile.

2. Focus on fewer, better made clothes - It's almost always better to have one well-made coat that you can treasure and keep in perfect shape, then three that end up sitting at the bottom of your closet. Only buy items that make you feel amazing.

3. Plan your purchases in advance - For many, buying clothes is a reactive habit rather than a conscious choice. Instead of mindlessly roaming the mall on a Saturday, save your money for a focused shopping trip a few times a year. Have a list and stick to it!

4. Get in great shape - It you are in the best shape of your life, everything will automatically look better on you. Of course, it gets harder to stay in shape as we age, but, it's well worth the effort. Instead of spending time searching for clothes that smooth over your small imperfections, spend time getting healthy and fit.

5. Make a statement - Fashion icons throughout history have known that small items can make big statements. Do you love colored scarves? How about red berets? The trick is often to pair a conservative style with an unexpectedly bold item. Choose something to be known for and be proud of it.

6. Get advice from (trusted) friends and family - Often the easiest way to get objective advice on what looks good on us is to ask people who care. Of course, you should always make the final choice. But, don't be afraid to ask your close friends and family what they think looks best on you.

What Do I Put In My Beach Bag?

If you are getting ready for a summer vacation, you must include the beach. By doing so, you must think about what you will put in your beach bag. First, you need a large enough beach bag that is resistant to water. This will hold all of your belongings and keep everything safe.

Make sure you have an extra bathing suit so you can change if you feel the desire. To avoid bringing a cooler, you can place some cold drinks in the bottom of your beach bag. Put your towel on top so that it remains cool to place on the hot sand. Put your snacks in a lunch box and then place this on top of the towel.

Every tote bag needs a good book where you can catch up with your reading. Additionally, since your hair and skin will be exposed to the environment, you may need a leave-in conditioner to unravel any tangles and to protect your hair from the salt water. Wear fewer accessories, but you will definitely need a pair of sunglasses with UV ray coverage.

Don't bring your designer sunglasses with you. Include a nice swimsuit cover up, which you will need when you come out of the water or want to walk along the beach. Bring a small makeup bag with your powder, mascara, deodorant and lip gloss. Make sure everything is waterproof. In fact, you could use your waterproof makeup bag to store your camera and cell phone.

Never leave your suntan lotion, skin moisturizer and sunscreen because sunburn is a given when you sit out in the sun too long. SPF 50 sunscreen is ideal. What better way to celebrate summer on the beach than with a bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita? Don't leave this beverage behind.

In between going in and coming out of the ocean, you will need cooling spray to spritz yourself. Other things you should bring with you include:

• Underwear
• Tank top
• Broad rimmed sun hat
• Your medications
• Toiletries
• Refillable water bottle
• Snacks
• Beach toy
• MP3 Player
• Change of clothes
• Magazines

Conclusion
If you plan to spend a long time, buy supplies to make sandwiches and salads to bring along with you. You don't want to spend unnecessary cash. Whether you want to include your summer must-haves, basic items for the beach or your guilty pleasures, an appropriately packed tote bag is necessary in encouraging an extraordinary experience at the ocean side. Do you plan to spend a lot of time at the beach this summer? What do you generally pack? Give us your own ideas because we value them. Leave a comment by going directly to our website.

A Woman's Body - Who Owns It?

A recent court case highlights the need for discussion about how women and their bodies are treated and not just in view to impending motherhood. We have all heard of pro-life activists who feel that an unborn child has the right to life even if the expectant mother does not wish to continue with her pregnancy. Whilst this subject is very sensitive and both sides of this argument has very valid points, my question is 'Who owns a woman's body?'

Would the fact that a pregnant woman has a diagnosed mental health condition allow decisions to be made on her behalf without her consent? How much should a woman be involved in her own body and how it is treated? What protections are in place to determine perceived rights to women on how they live their lives? Is the fact that a woman is pregnant eliminate her right to choose what happens with her body? This article is not about pro-life but the right for a woman to choose how her body is treated. This article is not about pregnant women but the right for women to choose how their bodies are treated. Getting stuck on pro-life would only serve as background noise and can serve as a distraction.

Everyone (of appropriate age) has the right to deny treatment of any sort and everyone has the right for all procedures to be fully explained to him or her. There will instances whereby others will have to make a decision on someone's behalf but these should be exceptional circumstances and the law covering these instances ensuring congruence and integrity. Everyone has the right to take part in activities deemed risky and everyone has the right to the most appropriate medical intervention. It is the 'most appropriate intervention' that I want to explore.

In the ongoing court case, decisions were made on behalf of a woman using a particular method that felt that she would not have agreed to. When would the need for someone else to make a decision displacing an individual? Was there more emphasis placed upon the fact that the kind of intervention was based upon her being a woman? How far should we go to allow a person to be fully informed of treatment and what this treatment should look like? Is the situation of removal of consent more likely to occur if a woman is pregnant, is she then viewed separate from the life growing inside her? I repeat, this article is not about pro-life issues; we must stay focused on the subject at hand, the woman; although pregnant women are being discussed. The term 'pregnant' is only used to describe the position a woman may find herself in and to explore whether consent challenges only exist in these circumstances.

I also understand that the emotions evoked when discussing pregnant women and the 'right' for women to choose how things are done. However, how much of a woman's right to choose is applied to her everyday life? Are there many instances whereby a woman is encouraged to undergo a procedure for the benefit of her unborn baby but more importantly have we considered how would this make a woman feel about her own body?

What about a woman who is not pregnant, should she have any form of intervention against her knowledge and agreement? An example could be women who are living with either physical or emotional disabilities. Have there been any instances that these women have had treatment or intervention without their consent or knowledge? Does the decision to remove consentual agreement determined by a woman being deemed 'unfit'? Who determines levels of 'fitness'?

As a nation, are we able to fully satisfy ourselves that any form of intervention without consent is in the best interests of an individual? Are the current specific guidelines in establishing what acts as demarcation for the removal of consent without fault and can a person or persons act without proper counsel? The implementation and proper use of legislation will serve as proper channels that will safeguard women from having their bodies treated in a way that they would not necessarily agree to. There have been many paths trodden on to allow women to be seen as worthy recipients to life and to have the ability to make their own decisions. The removal of consent should not be taken lightly nor should it be used a tool to manage women medically.

Attitudes to women have come a very long way from the rallies of Women's Rights but undoubtedly, there continues to be areas for improvement. It is worrying when we have to start to explore deeper whenever an issue has been raised concerning a woman. If we find ourselves in positions of asking many questions then that should highlight our ignorance on topics such as this. Our voices are now recognised as being in existence if not always heard. It is precisely this area of concern for me regarding the ongoing court case. How much importance did the rights of this particular woman have, what did her own voice look like? Was she deemed 'fit' enough to warrant a voice?

There continues to be areas in life that a woman may feel like she is not whole and complete as an individual and reliant upon the decisions others make. An international stance of women's level of acceptance is prioritised over the individual woman's own level of acceptance. There is more emphasis on what a woman should look like, how she presents self and how she is able to live her life. Women's presence in life can appear to be of magniloquence and being more about intent than the actual. We must not stop at this juncture of women's revolution until we can be sure that a woman is indeed seen and treated as a whole person in her own right.

Your True Voice Could Be a Hidden Gem

If you are looking for a professional image, is the sound of your speaking voice helping that image or is it a detraction? Bear in mind, the voice I am talking about is the one you hear on your voicemail or answering machine and not what you hear in your head.

Sounding like a 12-year-old when you are over 21 does not make for a professional image. Likewise, if your voice is reminiscent of Brooklyn or the Bronx, others may not be that enamored with your whiny, nasal sound. Tempering the nasal twang or the childlike quality is something you should consider because your voice accounts for more than a third of the image you project.

I can't tell you how many great voices there are which I liken to a hidden gem. Unfortunately, most people are unaware that there is a better voice inside of them, just waiting to be discovered. Voices like that of Morgan Freeman, Kate Beckinsale, Felicia Rashad, Harris Faulkner, Diane Sawyer, George Clooney, and, of course, James Earl Jones are not an anomaly. They just happen to be powered by means of the chest cavity - the largest of our 5 vocal resonators.

Most people are not using their chest cavity when they speak. The results are voices that are higher in pitch, young-sounding (or at the other extreme old-sounding), and lacking in breadth or fullness of sound. In addition, the voice may exhibit excessive nasality or a lot of gravel. Possibly it is wimpy, weak, strident, hoarse, raspy, reedy, whispery, or shrill. It may be too loud or too soft; too fast or too slow.

However you describe your voice, there is a remedy. When I found my real voice, I was amazed at the difference in how I sounded and how I was perceived - certainly more mature than my 24 years. And that more mature sound got me the jobs I wanted in New York City as well as those I wasn't seeking.

What is fascinating about the speaking voice which is being powered by the chest cavity is that it improves with age. Nothing on your body improves with age except the voice which has had training. Through the years, it never ceases to amaze me how this works. And, it works for everyone. I liken the trained speaking voice to a bottle of good red wine. It just keeps getting better through the years!

Imagine discovering a voice like that of the actors and media personalities mentioned above. Imagine hearing your voice on your voicemail or some other kind of recording equipment and actually enjoying that sound. It's in there - it is just a matter of finding it and making it a habit. You may be surprised when you discover your hidden gem!

High Low Prom Dresses - Look Trendy In The Latest Style

Don't you want to look your very best at your prom so that you have wonderful memories (and photos) to last a lifetime? High low prom dresses are the latest style and wearing one of these dresses will ensure that you look absolutely stunning. These dresses get their name from the fact that they are very high in front and low at the back. In fact, they are popular not just as prom dresses but also as party dresses for women of all ages because they are sexy whilst offering sufficient coverage to the legs.

High low prom dresses are the perfect choice if you have a lovely pair of legs to show off. Since they are low at the back, they enable you to look sexy without feeling completely exposed. As a matter of fact, this is the only way you could look sophisticated and elegant while wearing a very short skirt. The other advantage of wearing this kind of dress is that you can dance very easily and comfortably in it. They have a very youthful look that tends to be missing from long formal gowns.

If you are shorter than average then you have another reason for choosing this kind of dress. Since it shows a lot of leg, it gives the illusion of height whereas most designs of long dresses would just make you look short. In fact, a very petite person might just get lost in a voluminous dress. Don't forget that you have to wear the dress and not the other way around.

Since high low designs are so popular these days, there are many different options for you to choose from. Be sure to try out quite a few of them so that you select one that suits your body shape and personality. Never make the mistake of choosing a dress simply because it is fashionable or because you have seen a celebrity wearing something similar. For instance, ruffles and flounces will not suit a curvy body because they will just make you look larger than necessary. If you are petite then a flowing dress made of chiffon will suit you very well.

You should also check whether your school has a dress code regarding the length or design of prom dresses. You will really enjoy your prom if you have the right dress that makes you look glamorous and helps you feel comfortable.

Enjoying Your Wedding on a Budget

If you're planning your nuptials, you will undoubtedly be aware there are a great variety of costs to consider. You'll be yearning to have custom outfits created by high quality wedding dress designers; keen to book a luxury venue and ensure that the guests are provided with delicious food; and myriad other costs. However, as most people are, you may well be under some financial constraint. If this is the case, you'd be well advised to heed the budget tips featured in this article.

Find An Affordable Gown

If you're an avid reader of the glossy celebrity magazines, you will undoubtedly have noticed the exquisite dresses worn by Kate Middleton, Gwen Stefani and Joy Bryant. However, it is important to remember that the purchase of a designer dress does not guarantee marital bliss. You might find the local wedding dress designers can design customised outfits to suit your budget and it might even be possible to buy a second hand dress from one of the bridal websites.

Hire a Wedding Suit

Those with plenty of money to spend may consider purchasing suits from the specialist high street tailors. However, there will also be the option of hiring suits from stores such as Moss Bros or Debenhams. You should take your time to find a suit that fits your groom particularly well. Just remember that men are generally quite reluctant to spend long periods of time in clothes stores!

Buy Seasonal Flowers

You might be keen to enhance the bride and bridesmaid's dresses with flowers, along with decorating the ceremony and reception venues with beautiful bouquets. However, if you're on a tight budget it is best to use seasonal flowers. Sweet peas will be absolutely ideal for midsummer events and hydrangeas are recommended for the autumn.

Ask For Make-Up Advice

Your chosen wedding dress designers may well be happy to also make recommendations regarding the type of make up that matches perfectly with your outfit. If not, you can always enjoy a free make up session at your local department store. You might even choose to buy some of the recommended lipsticks and blushers in preparation for your big day, and if you don't want the pressure of applying your own make-up, you can ask a friend or local expert.

Borrow Items

If you're a traditionalist, you'll know the importance of finding something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue for your big day. Of course you have the option of asking wedding dress designers to incorporating blue tints as part of your outfit, too. Ask a friend or family member whether they can lend you an old piece of jewellery or it might even be possible to turn up in a classic vehicle you have borrowed. Be creative!

Why Women Love Authentic Designer Handbags

The world of designer bags or any designer product is a fascinating one. It seems there is a deep connection to a person's psychological make up. People usually admire others with nice expensive items, and it makes them feel admired, watched, and envied. There is a feeling of self-confidence radiating through a woman who is carrying an authentic designer purse. Some women like to feel glamorous. The aura of glamour is a big factor, and a real designer handbag creates that feeling. It is a status thing. It's like a man with a very expensive watch. They are a high-demand accessory to a woman's wardrobe. Today, we're prepared to spend more on a handbag than a vacation, and both men and women want the rest of the world to know it. Designer handbags are the key to a perfect outfit and more. There is really more to a designer handbag than just the cost. It's about the feeling it generates within your-self. It's the emotional experience you have.

When women started leaving the home, either for leisure and work, bags became a useful way of carrying their needed possessions. Then, as women gained financial independence, and the handbag industry's growth zoomed. Most women would feel naked without their handbags. Why do women find designer bags so desirable? It's partly because they've become a visible statement of a woman's status, fashion savvy, and earning power. The popularity of designer handbags over the years has followed the increasing social independence of their owners--especially the "It-bag."

What does it take to raise a designer handbag to authentic 'It' status? The most number one attribute is a striking design. An "It-Bag" needs to be immediately recognizable - whether it's the unmistakable LV print on a bag, or the highly recognizable underarm Fendi Baguette. The big element for an "It-Bag," of course, is glamour. This comes from the mystical association between a brand and a celebrity - such as the famous Hermes "Kelly" bag. Hermes first produced the bag in 1935, it was not until 1956 that the bag's reputation sky-rocketed when Princess Grace of Monaco was photographed and placed on the cover of Time Magazine trying to hide her pregnancy with a classic Hermes bag. The bag, thereafter, became known as "The Kelly" in her honor; and the Hermes bag shot to a global bestseller status. Fashion critics are very clear about the association of a handbag and a celebrity. Carrying a "Kelly bag" declares class and old money, both are highly desirable. Jackie Kennedy helped promote Gucci by being photographed often with a Gucci shoulder bag that she loved. Gucci, then in 1967, officially presented "The Jackie" shoulder bag to the public, as it is still known today. Then, there is the "Lady Dior of 1994" which became a total sensation after Princess Diana took to carrying it around town. The message is clear that clothes are the same and redundant. It's all about the "It-Bag."

Designer handbags will always be in fashion. The name, the style, and the celebrity status, are all things that go along with the designer handbag. One of the attractions that make women feel so great about designer purses is that they make a statement; but, they are much more than that, as they truly make the woman appear much more confident and powerful. Designer purses make the woman feel stylish and important.

The fact is ladies love to look elegant and feel chic, fabulous, and glamorous. We are very fortunate to have a large range of authentic designer handbags to choose from.

Teresa Bilecki,
Owner of Treebug Emporium, LLC and DBA Treebug's Designer Handbags.
http://www.treebugsdesignerhandbags.com

Wigs Vs Weaves

I have never worn a full weave but I have used pieces in my hair to create a look and I didn't care for it. Let me tell you why I don't like weaves. The hairdresser uses glue to hold the pieces into the hair and I found that this actually will take your hair out. My natural hair was getting snatched out when I would try to remove the pieces from my head and sometimes I had a hard time removing the pieces because of this. I didn't want to keep pulling out my natural hair and weaves are expensive to begin with. It costs a lot of money to get a weave and has a lot more maintenance to it. I also heard the full weaves are painful because they sew the hair in.

I prefer wigs over weaves easily. Wigs are temporary. You can change them according to the weather, your outfit for the day and the style you are going for. I like the fact that I can have short hair one day and long hair the next. I can have straight hair or curly. If I want my hair a different color without changing my natural color then I can buy a wig and put it on for instant color change. They are great for women who have gray hair and get tired of dying their natural hair all the time.

Trying a wig is a good way to see what you look like with another hair style or hair color before doing something drastically permanent to your hair. Some women will chop all their hair off and a week or two later they realize they wish they had never cut their hair. Wigs can solve this problem so you can have an idea on what you will look like with short hair.

Wigs are not that expensive unless you want human hair but you can buy a synthetic hair wig and they look just as real as human hair. Maintenance of a wig is minimal. Washing them with a mild soap then rinsing and hanging it on a wig stand is all that is needed to keep it up. After a while the wig will get ragged looking on the ends if using synthetic hair but if price is your concern I would go for synthetic. If what you want is continual wear then buy human hair wigs.

Jan Verhoeff - Expert Writing Coach and Trainer

A fortunate experience brought expert writing coach and trainer, Jan Verhoeff into my world. Oris George, a local plow boy was looking for a way to market his collection of personal stories in the local writer association, and he couldn't find one. I knew there had to be a local writing coach, so I set out to find one. (I had to beat Oris to the punch.)

At the county office one day, while paying my utility bill, right there on the community bulletin board was a flyer advertising a writer's conference. I memorized the phone number and called Oris. He called Jan Verhoeff to get more information. She informed Oris that she had been the leader of a writer's group, one that was closing down after the conference, but was planning to have another group started within a few weeks.

Oris got back to me and we both jumped in. That was my lucky day. Over the years Jan has not only infused me with her love and confidence of writing but has inspired me to write books. She helped me publish my first book just last year titled Half As Much Of Me. This book is about my weight loss journey and lifestyle change which has totally changed my life for the better.

Coaching sessions started with a four part structure that everyone got involved with doing. Jan Verhoeff is the kind of coach that likes active participation, and nobody gets off the hook without doing their fair share.

Editing & Writing on the Spot.
Reading & Editing a Piece off the Hard Drive.
Determination of Quality, Type and Publication Options.
Setting up and Maintaining our own Personal Platform.

Each writer coaching session made me thirsty for more. My confidence sky rocketed. I received more than I expected. I soon realized that I would be learning much more than just writing. I literally became a human sponge in my effort to soak up everything Jan offered.

Jan is a "wizard" in the world of internet business and writing.

Her working knowledge of the computer is beyond comprehension. I captured confidence of working with the computer and I am no longer intimidated by this creature. It is my working partner.

Jan Verhoeff's command of words draws readers right into the stories she tells. I learned to use words as my friends, combining them as tools of my trade, and using the meanings as a breath of live adventure. My stories stopped being "stick figure" tales.

I learned to think in word pictures and share those pictorials on paper. My articles came to life, vividly colored with words and details that shared emotional connection and built a relationship between me and the reader. Jan was a patient and gentle instructor. She made learning the craft of writing fun.

While those group coaching sessions were free, I quickly became a paying student. I was willing to pay for instruction that offers endless opportunities and excitement, because the work I was doing benefited greatly by the coaching I received.

Jan inspired me to attempt greater projects, even now, my efforts are gaining ground as I follow the clear well defined professional guidelines Jan taught. Jan is such a fun and patient teacher.

There is so much more that I need to know. I am excited about the endless opportunities that await me.

I've learned that I must decide on a topic of interest and focus on that topic long enough to drive my level of knowledge to a tempered state of expert status in order to achieve my own personal writing goals.

I've learned that I have to not only choose a topic but find an audience that is already waiting for my projects if I hope to become a profitable writer.

I've learned my platform has to be narrow enough to have a specific following, yet broad enough to capture an audience of readers that scopes more than one generation.

I've learned that I'm never standing at the keyboard alone, without the support, encouragement and motivation I need to persevere until I achieve my goal.

This same creative expertise happens when Jan designs blog pages, web sites, and marketing strategies. Jan's diversity sets her apart from the crowd. Her creativity is contagious.

I am so grateful for Jan's expertise in getting my book published, my websites set up and the captivating flyers that she has put together for me.

Tips For Keeping Cool at Work This Summer

There's nothing like escaping the overwhelming heat of summer into an air-conditioned office, but for many busy workingwomen, there are no such luxuries. Ceiling fans and afternoon breezes just don't cut it these days. It seems as if sweat stains and oily faces are this season's hottest accessories (pun intended). For all the effort you put into making yourself up in the morning, sunshine and humidity shouldn't be able to take that away from you. Here are some tips to keep your cool this summer.

Shapewear

Pain is beauty right? I think that saying perfectly describes shapewear. Smoothing out the body, hiding our natural lumps and bumps is what it's best at, but boy is it uncomfortable, not that work clothes are all that comfortable to begin with. Keeping things tight and in tact makes us feel more confident, so why should we ditch it just because it traps in the heat. Japanese lingerie brand, Wacoal, has the answer to your prayers. Behold, the power of cooling yarns! This fabric is quick-drying, odor-controlling and made of recycled coffee grounds, so it's eco-friendly.

Dresses and Skirts

Store your pants, jeans, slacks or whatever away at least until mid-fall. Dresses and skirts are your new best friends this summer. The right frock will offer breathablity, flexibility and will make you look and feel like a million bucks. The type of dress you can get away with wearing all depends on your work environment of course, but if your dress code is casual, indulge in the comfort of a flowy maxi dress. Accessorize appropriately by adding something to cover your shoulders and perhaps a necklace and no one will blame you for wearing beach attire to work.

Updos

If you have long hair, or even medium-length hair, you know that wearing it down during the summer feels like you have a scarf around your neck. Carry hair elastics in your purse, or wear them on your wrists, so long as they aren't noticeable. Emi-Jay hair ties double as bracelets and don't tug at your hair. Sponge donuts will transform frizzy, humid-wrecked hair into a masterpiece that will last all day with the help of a few bobby pins.

Open-toe Shoes

A little peep in your toe, can provide all the ventilation you need for sweaty feet. The last thing you want is to sliding around in your shoes. Trust me, people will laugh. Extra moisture also means stinky feet. If tripping over yourself isn't embarrassing enough, imagine having to explain a strange odor falling you around. A little trick is to apply a some deodorant to the soles of your feet after washing and drying them thoroughly. Your feet will smell great and stay dry all day long.

Simple Makeup

When you go to grab that gel eyeliner or extra mascara, remember what kind of effect a little heat has on heavy eye makeup. When it's especially hot, there's no such thing as "waterproof." Keep things simple. Switch the focus from your eyes to your lips and wear a bold color on your lips.

The Strong Black Woman - Myth or Fact?

I am of the opinion that the strength of a Black woman is both a fact and a myth, in equal measures. Women of any colour are inherently strong but it is the information gained from this perception about Black Women that can escalate the myth aspect of this subject. For Black women, the myth denigrates culpability for men to treat Black women respectfully. The 'Strong Black Woman' is abused as a result of this myth on the grounds that she is able to withstand any challenges coming her way independently and with little impact to her emotionally and physically. She is collectively left to raise children single-handedly, hold down employment and still be a tool to abuse sexually.

The Black Woman is deemed a misnomer and is portrayed as inconsequential to her existence. Whilst there is arguably a love for Black Women for some men, I am discussing the collective views from all men and all women of any colour.

Black Women intrigues other women of differing race and are held in both mysticism and fear. This fear leads others to respond to the Black Woman negatively developing further challenges for them. Some of these challenges are highlighted above. The 'alone' factor is rife for the Black Woman who has to navigate through life sometimes as both matriarch and patriarch even is she is in a relationship. She is seen without needs of her own and demonstrably maligned in favour of soothing others even if this is in detriment to her wellbeing.

The Black woman paradoxically and altruistically responds by instigating her own war against herself. 'I'm an independent woman and I am in no need for a man' is a common mantra all the while secretly hankering for the love and comfort of a mate. Her soul is revealed to her Black female comrades who in some way share commonalities in their plight for individualism and respect. She can appear secretive, as she fears revealing her soul as her experiences inform her that she is vulnerable to further abuse.

Some Black men are foolishly scared of the strength of a Black woman and wages a surreptitious war against her promoting subservience and oppression towards her. This is not always done intentionally to harm her but their experience is matriarchal and top heavy in its presence and not necessarily due to an absent father but more about how the family performed in every day life. Older Black men were psychologically seen as Heads of families but in realities, it was the females that held families together. My experience of life has taught me that this sentiment is shared with many other races therefore not exclusive to Black families.

The Black Woman learns to grow into a role put forward by others and as mentioned previously, her own needs are ignored. This behaviour is seen as abusive and the only way to remove this level of abuse towards her for the Black woman is to step away, independently, promoting the 'strong' aspect of the title question or stay in a relationship, whilst compromising her sanity.

There are many Black women who gravitate toward uplifting themselves and behave stereotypically enforcing this 'strong' aspect of the statement. They do this by not appearing of need and if they do show this need, it is sometimes misconstrued as 'being needy' because of the 'strong' aspect of the statement that runs deeper and more profound obscuring what the woman is actually presenting with behaviourally. Black women need to learn of the impact of mis-applying this statement to them. This misapplication happens when one assumes the role of 'strong' without first identifying its true meaning. Some may argue that this is how they choose to live their lives and this is absolutely fine but they also need to understand the ramifications of this ideology of being 'strong.' What does the response of others look and feels like whilst Black Women are portraying strength beyond and above all? I am not, for one minute, making an argument for subservience but laying out one of the causal factors of disruption that a Black on Black relationship may encounter. Even men of other colour notes the curiously perceived 'animalism' of a Black woman and wants to play with her in order to tame her. The mystical and 'wild' nature of a Black Woman!

Black men are social 'lepers' and experience a tougher than acceptable life especially in the West. Their frustrations can be transferred to their female counterparts as they see her 'getting through' in life as strength, another aspect of how war is waged against her.

What has led the Black Woman to be seen as 'strong'?

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes argues that many generations later, individuals continue to live according to the emotional scars inflicted upon their fore-families although now free from the abhorrent and direct abuse of mind/body.

In times when Black Men were removed from their families after being beaten and persecuted for submission and control, the Black Women had to fight for existence. She had to fiercely protect her children without her husband. She had to learn to do this fight at a time when her spirit was being broken and exposed for further abuse. Attacking the thing or things that one holds dear completes destruction. For doing so, attacks the spiritedness of the individual from the inside, rendering them without anchor.

Dr. Pinkola Estes argues that the removal of sacred images that anchors a person was to 'Un-Mother' that person. Black people were reliant upon their sacred images to guide them through life, not unlike other races. Parts of the psyche (soul/spirit) becomes damaged and retreats underground (subconscious) whilst the obvious afflictions are felt and seen on a conscious level. According to Pinkola, to destabilise a person's spirit is to 'Un-Mother' them.

People that are grounded in a Mother can present as dangerous due to exhibiting autonomous traits, not so easily manageable, loyal to their beliefs. The removal of these beliefs and replacement of another version helps to destabilise the spirit of people therefore easier to be manipulated.

Individuals that were spiritually removed from their beliefs therefore grounding learnt to fear the attackers whilst paradoxically feeling grateful for their existence. Internalising the damage that 'un-mothering' a person has on an individual. For example, within the workplace, your employer could be extremely abusive or just plain unfair but the inherent message meted out by your company and society is one of being grateful for your employment. You fear of speaking out as to do so is met with backlash; the result is the submission of one's soul. Therefore this method of control continues today and it is the deep-rooted residue of fear caused by the removal of the 'Mother' that continue this emotional self-destruction. In this instance for the Black Woman but you can see evidence of this throughout society not initially done for the same reason but the continued use is handy.

So how does the above relate to the Strong Black Woman?

The removal of the sub-conscious Mother and the replacement of something incomprehensible have helped to create the Black Woman today. Her grounding, her beliefs, her identity have been removed and she continues to fight for existence now as a result of her previous struggle. This worsening effect is apparent even if misunderstood by many including the Black Woman herself. The misinformed information derived about the Black Woman coupled with history has led to her being seen as 'strong' (fact) and without need, the 'myth' aspect. However, 'One can heal by literally making a list of all freedoms denied and then working backwards'... (Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes).

It is difficult to speak about women of any colour without identifying to some degree, the impact of feminisms. The word is pluralised deliberately as not only were there first, second and now third wave feminisms, the relationship and resonance felt by Black Women somewhat removes feminisms' full implication from them. Therefore the common terminology of feminism does not fully include the Black Woman. Both my grandmothers were hard, consistent workers, in predominantly 'female' roles. These roles did not even attract a moderate salary; just enough to help their husbands pay towards the household bills. What was interesting was how their changing thoughts changed their beliefs (environmental) when they came to live in the UK. In their own hometown, women married, had children and mainly stayed working in the home, not unlike westernised general rule. Very few women had substantive posts in the community. Due to the many difficulties experienced by individuals in England, America or Canada where a lot of migration took people to, their beliefs needed to radically change to survive. This change meant for some families, older children were raising younger children whilst both parents worked. In most cases, it was the female offspring that assumed a matriarchal role in the absence of the mother. The creation of a sub-culture for these families borne mainly from financial difficulties, allowed Black Women to be more prominent but not equal to their men. My generation of women has pushed this concept further and expects a more equal participant as partners. Something that is akin to White western women yet not easily recognised nor taken on by men.

More recognition is needed in society for the promotion for all women and not just Black Women but the problems that Black Women face are different to their counterparts. I do feel that the huge radicalisation needed for women's lives cannot be measured today from where it was once borne but we should be able to continue building upon the wellbeing for women and by doing so, all of society benefits. Harm the woman; harm the child!

So yes, Black women are strong but it is also a myth that she is able to withstand anything thrown at her. Just take a look around you and many Black women are former shadows of thy self. Even the perceptually well-adapted ones experiences emotional discord due to the 'myth' aspect therefore how she is then treated. Black Women contributes to half of society in gender terms but their experiences of negativity is out of balance. The 'myth' aspect is out of control and depletes the Black Women of her natural resources to live in harmony with her and others.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Untie The Strong Woman; p.86- 90)

Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg: Powerful Women Are Stopped By Internal Barriers

I just finished reading Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. It was so fascinating I could hardly put it down. Sandberg pulls back the curtain on life at the top for women in corporate America. And while she is rigorous about appreciating the many gains women have made, she is frank about data that shows how under-represented women are at the top of the corporate ladder.

Rather than blame, Sandberg takes an unflinching look at the ways that women continue to sabotage their own success by making choices based on their own fears and false beliefs. She shares the persistent feelings of self-doubt that she encountered in college and how she has continued to face down these doubts as she has seen them surface. She shares fascinating stories of other women executives who have faced doubt and a lack of self-confidence in the course of building their careers.

She offers a very honest look at the choices she made when her first child was born and she was an executive at Google. While she intended to take maternity leave when her son was born, her fears of losing influence caused her to work from home during her entire leave. By the time her second child was born, she was more secure and confident, and was able to take a full maternity leave without checking in with her office at all, and no negative consequences to her position.

While there a consistent emphasis on research studies and data to back up every assertion in the book, what I found most fascinating is Sandberg's willingness to share stories of women executives, her own as well as others, that demonstrate how often a women's main barrier to corporate success is her own belief system.

Our culture, beginning in our earliest childhood experiences, molds women for care-taking roles and invisibility. Often successful women have become adept at "making it in a man's world" by developing masculine energy: the energy of competition, analysis, linear thinking, goal attainment, and left-brained perception of circumstances. The price paid is often a lack of development of feminine energies: creative, intuitive, collaborative and relational energies. This leads eventually to burn out and a lack of fulfillment. The "is that all there is" experience becomes pervasive.

I believe we are facing challenges in the world that reflect this imbalance. Technology has given us every advantage in terms of business development, but at the price of polluted air, fouled water, the breakdown of our global financial systems, burned out adults, troubled children, and broken homes.

As a culture we need to move more into balance now. I believe that women leaders have a key role to play in this transition. By honoring their own needs for achievement in the workplace and finding ways to bring the strength and creativity of their feminine energies into contemporary problem-solving, they will forge new pathways to greatness for themselves and the corporations for which they work.

With the help and support of their husbands (who have accessed their own feminine energies) they will raise children who have seen both masculine and feminine energies modeled in their mother and their father. These children will grow up to create a more balanced, harmonious world.

As new more balanced business structures evolve to meet the needs of the marketplace, culture itself will evolve. While this will surely take many generations, we as women can start right here, right now, to see the deeper truth of who we are and access our feminine energies. As we do so we break through the barriers of false beliefs that act as a glass ceiling to our ability to achieve our highest potential.

One decision at a time we can restore balance to our lives and take a stand for greater harmony in our world. It is time for us to own the power that comes from the realization of our true being and allow that power to inform our choices. I stand with Ms. Sandberg in calling on women to embrace their heart's desires, go for their dreams, and consistently Lean In.

The Strong Black Woman - Myth or Fact?

I am of the opinion that the strength of a Black woman is both a fact and a myth, in equal measures. Women of any colour are inherently strong but it is the information gained from this perception about Black Women that can escalate the myth aspect of this subject. For Black women, the myth denigrates culpability for men to treat Black women respectfully. The 'Strong Black Woman' is abused as a result of this myth on the grounds that she is able to withstand any challenges coming her way independently and with little impact to her emotionally and physically. She is collectively left to raise children single-handedly, hold down employment and still be a tool to abuse sexually.

The Black Woman is deemed a misnomer and is portrayed as inconsequential to her existence. Whilst there is arguably a love for Black Women for some men, I am discussing the collective views from all men and all women of any colour.

Black Women intrigues other women of differing race and are held in both mysticism and fear. This fear leads others to respond to the Black Woman negatively developing further challenges for them. Some of these challenges are highlighted above. The 'alone' factor is rife for the Black Woman who has to navigate through life sometimes as both matriarch and patriarch even is she is in a relationship. She is seen without needs of her own and demonstrably maligned in favour of soothing others even if this is in detriment to her wellbeing.

The Black woman paradoxically and altruistically responds by instigating her own war against herself. 'I'm an independent woman and I am in no need for a man' is a common mantra all the while secretly hankering for the love and comfort of a mate. Her soul is revealed to her Black female comrades who in some way share commonalities in their plight for individualism and respect. She can appear secretive, as she fears revealing her soul as her experiences inform her that she is vulnerable to further abuse.

Some Black men are foolishly scared of the strength of a Black woman and wages a surreptitious war against her promoting subservience and oppression towards her. This is not always done intentionally to harm her but their experience is matriarchal and top heavy in its presence and not necessarily due to an absent father but more about how the family performed in every day life. Older Black men were psychologically seen as Heads of families but in realities, it was the females that held families together. My experience of life has taught me that this sentiment is shared with many other races therefore not exclusive to Black families.

The Black Woman learns to grow into a role put forward by others and as mentioned previously, her own needs are ignored. This behaviour is seen as abusive and the only way to remove this level of abuse towards her for the Black woman is to step away, independently, promoting the 'strong' aspect of the title question or stay in a relationship, whilst compromising her sanity.

There are many Black women who gravitate toward uplifting themselves and behave stereotypically enforcing this 'strong' aspect of the statement. They do this by not appearing of need and if they do show this need, it is sometimes misconstrued as 'being needy' because of the 'strong' aspect of the statement that runs deeper and more profound obscuring what the woman is actually presenting with behaviourally. Black women need to learn of the impact of mis-applying this statement to them. This misapplication happens when one assumes the role of 'strong' without first identifying its true meaning. Some may argue that this is how they choose to live their lives and this is absolutely fine but they also need to understand the ramifications of this ideology of being 'strong.' What does the response of others look and feels like whilst Black Women are portraying strength beyond and above all? I am not, for one minute, making an argument for subservience but laying out one of the causal factors of disruption that a Black on Black relationship may encounter. Even men of other colour notes the curiously perceived 'animalism' of a Black woman and wants to play with her in order to tame her. The mystical and 'wild' nature of a Black Woman!

Black men are social 'lepers' and experience a tougher than acceptable life especially in the West. Their frustrations can be transferred to their female counterparts as they see her 'getting through' in life as strength, another aspect of how war is waged against her.

What has led the Black Woman to be seen as 'strong'?

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes argues that many generations later, individuals continue to live according to the emotional scars inflicted upon their fore-families although now free from the abhorrent and direct abuse of mind/body.

In times when Black Men were removed from their families after being beaten and persecuted for submission and control, the Black Women had to fight for existence. She had to fiercely protect her children without her husband. She had to learn to do this fight at a time when her spirit was being broken and exposed for further abuse. Attacking the thing or things that one holds dear completes destruction. For doing so, attacks the spiritedness of the individual from the inside, rendering them without anchor.

Dr. Pinkola Estes argues that the removal of sacred images that anchors a person was to 'Un-Mother' that person. Black people were reliant upon their sacred images to guide them through life, not unlike other races. Parts of the psyche (soul/spirit) becomes damaged and retreats underground (subconscious) whilst the obvious afflictions are felt and seen on a conscious level. According to Pinkola, to destabilise a person's spirit is to 'Un-Mother' them.

People that are grounded in a Mother can present as dangerous due to exhibiting autonomous traits, not so easily manageable, loyal to their beliefs. The removal of these beliefs and replacement of another version helps to destabilise the spirit of people therefore easier to be manipulated.

Individuals that were spiritually removed from their beliefs therefore grounding learnt to fear the attackers whilst paradoxically feeling grateful for their existence. Internalising the damage that 'un-mothering' a person has on an individual. For example, within the workplace, your employer could be extremely abusive or just plain unfair but the inherent message meted out by your company and society is one of being grateful for your employment. You fear of speaking out as to do so is met with backlash; the result is the submission of one's soul. Therefore this method of control continues today and it is the deep-rooted residue of fear caused by the removal of the 'Mother' that continue this emotional self-destruction. In this instance for the Black Woman but you can see evidence of this throughout society not initially done for the same reason but the continued use is handy.

So how does the above relate to the Strong Black Woman?

The removal of the sub-conscious Mother and the replacement of something incomprehensible have helped to create the Black Woman today. Her grounding, her beliefs, her identity have been removed and she continues to fight for existence now as a result of her previous struggle. This worsening effect is apparent even if misunderstood by many including the Black Woman herself. The misinformed information derived about the Black Woman coupled with history has led to her being seen as 'strong' (fact) and without need, the 'myth' aspect. However, 'One can heal by literally making a list of all freedoms denied and then working backwards'... (Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes).

It is difficult to speak about women of any colour without identifying to some degree, the impact of feminisms. The word is pluralised deliberately as not only were there first, second and now third wave feminisms, the relationship and resonance felt by Black Women somewhat removes feminisms' full implication from them. Therefore the common terminology of feminism does not fully include the Black Woman. Both my grandmothers were hard, consistent workers, in predominantly 'female' roles. These roles did not even attract a moderate salary; just enough to help their husbands pay towards the household bills. What was interesting was how their changing thoughts changed their beliefs (environmental) when they came to live in the UK. In their own hometown, women married, had children and mainly stayed working in the home, not unlike westernised general rule. Very few women had substantive posts in the community. Due to the many difficulties experienced by individuals in England, America or Canada where a lot of migration took people to, their beliefs needed to radically change to survive. This change meant for some families, older children were raising younger children whilst both parents worked. In most cases, it was the female offspring that assumed a matriarchal role in the absence of the mother. The creation of a sub-culture for these families borne mainly from financial difficulties, allowed Black Women to be more prominent but not equal to their men. My generation of women has pushed this concept further and expects a more equal participant as partners. Something that is akin to White western women yet not easily recognised nor taken on by men.

More recognition is needed in society for the promotion for all women and not just Black Women but the problems that Black Women face are different to their counterparts. I do feel that the huge radicalisation needed for women's lives cannot be measured today from where it was once borne but we should be able to continue building upon the wellbeing for women and by doing so, all of society benefits. Harm the woman; harm the child!

So yes, Black women are strong but it is also a myth that she is able to withstand anything thrown at her. Just take a look around you and many Black women are former shadows of thy self. Even the perceptually well-adapted ones experiences emotional discord due to the 'myth' aspect therefore how she is then treated. Black Women contributes to half of society in gender terms but their experiences of negativity is out of balance. The 'myth' aspect is out of control and depletes the Black Women of her natural resources to live in harmony with her and others.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes (Untie The Strong Woman; p.86- 90)